Wednesday, February 6, 2013

American Girls Suck At Science

Because science is hard, yo!
I mean, there are so many boring things involved, like numbers.  For example, check out this New York Times article and corresponding chart.  I can barely understand that chart!  The x-axis is in percentages.  The only time I see % is on my credit card bill from so much SHOPPING.  After all, bitches be shoppin'.

In case, like me, you're finding it difficult to understand, a summary.  The chart/article (charticle?) covers a 2009 study of 47,000 15-year-old students across 65 countries.  On average, the majority of us ladies scored higher than our boyfriends, with girls in Jordan outscoring boys by over 9%.  Congratulations, Jordan!  You ladies are the Biggest Nerds!

BUT NOT HERE IN AMURRICA!  In the United States, LADIES BE DUMB when it comes to science.

So of course everyone is asking, "WHY?"

Allow me to add my own hypotheses [OMG BIG SCIENCE WORDS LIKE HYPOTHESES].

1.  We totally hate being wrong!!
I mean, like, this is long-winded, but bear with me.  There's totally and completely a point!

Okay so:
Most girls just hate criticism.  We can't take it.  We cry!  And we hate crying.  So no one can tell us we did anything wrong.  Example:  Tell a dude 10 things they did wrong and 1 thing they did right.  They'll remember the thing they did RIGHT.  And they'll keep doing that Right Thing.  Tell a girl she did 1 thing wrong and 10 things right, she'll only remember the thing she did wrong!  So to us the whole world is, like,  "Don't do this," "don't do that," "OMG for sure don't do that!!"  So we never find our Right Thing.  And in elementary school, all you hear in math and science classrooms is, "There's only One Right Answer.  If you get it wrong you've failed."  That phrase completely terrifying to someone who will feel totally ashamed and probably scarred for life if they do happen to get it wrong.  We're much more at home in and English class or a Social Studies class or an Arts class.  Those teachers tell you, "Be creative!" "Imagine..." "There's no wrong answer!"  And we're all, "Wait, what did you say, teach?  I can't be wrong?  Ever!?!  PERFECT!"

No one ever tells us how much science doesn't know yet, how much mystery there is in the universe.  No one ever tells us that before all the right answers, before all the solving for x, before the textbooks were published, some old timey scientist guy went through all wrong answers before he got to that one right one.  No one ever teaches us that, before that scientist guy even started getting wrong answers, he had to look up at the stars or inside a microscope and imagine what if...

2.  Bitches be shoppin' (see above)
Seriously.  We have so many things to buy.  Like groceries and stuff.  Oh, and there's a semi-annual sale at Victoria's Secret, so we'll obviously have to stop there...

3.  It's sooooo boring
I mean, seriously, what a snoooooozefest.  And none of the teachers are ever hot.  I guess that mohawk guy from NASA is pretty cute, and he's probably a scientist, right?

4.  ...I forgot what 4 was.  I got bored.

1 comment:

  1. I'm totally tweeting this post to Bobak (Hot Mohawk NASA Man).